


The Notifications Never Stop

by whatliesbehindthelock



Category: Ranger's Apprentice - John Flanagan
Genre: Alcohol Mentions, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen, Texting, mature language, this is a mess
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-08 00:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5476595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatliesbehindthelock/pseuds/whatliesbehindthelock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of texts without any real meaning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. An Inside Look at Crowley's Contacts (AKA the contact names)

**Will:** Shortass  
 **Horace:** La Vie Bohème (and various other musical lines because modern!Horace is musical trash)  
 **Alyss:** Modern Galadriel  
 **Jenny:** Muffin Special  
 **Gilan:** 2Hot5U  
 **Cassandra:** Call Me Princess 'Cuz I Rule  
 **Halt:** Lucky Charms  
 **Pauline:** She's Beauty She's Grace  
 **Duncan:** Gramps  
 **Crowley:** Me

George only sends letters. Someone save him.


	2. Hot Chips

**2Hot5U:** so

i got drunnk last night

 **Shortass:** dammit gil

 **Call Me Princess ‘Cuz I Rule:** wtf gil

 **Muffin Special:** Do you need advil?

 **2Hot5U:** No

wait YES but also no

 **Modern Galadriel:** You’re going to need to be more specific…

 **Shortass:** lol

 **2Hot5U:** uggggghhhhhhhh

yes i need advil since i rn out last week

but my main problem is that WHEN i was drunk i bought like…

give me a sex

 **Call Me Princess ‘Cuz I Rule:** no gil

 **Shortass:** I wouldn’t complain

 **Modern Galadriel:** Will.

 **Shortass:** sorry

 **2Hot5U:** i meant “sec” and u know it

so i bought exactrly 69 things of hot chips

 **Muffin Special:** Oh no...

 **Shortass:** drunk u deserves an award

 **2Hot5U:** i didn’t even eat them

just slept 9 hours in a pile of chips

 **La Vie Bohème:** Can I come over?

I’m hungry

 **Muffin Special:** Don’t you dare

 **2Hot5U:** but i gotta get rid of them

remember the time he ate the unidentifiable sludge™? He came out fine then

 **Shortass:** oh god i rememver that.....

 **La Vie Bohème:** I can feel your judgment from my house

 **Call Me Princess ‘Cuz I Rule:** u mean my house

 **Shortass:** fuck the shut up @ horace

what are u doing at ev’s

alone

*wiggles eyebrows*

 **2Hot5U:** OK but

 **Call Me Princess ‘Cuz I Rule:** r horace and I not allowed to just hang out?

 **2Hot5U:** the chips

 **La Vie Bohème:** I’m on my way

 **Muffin Special:** Oh my god no

 **Shortass:** If by “hang out” you mean Netflix and chill

 **La Vie Bohème:** What’s Netflix and chill?

 **Modern Galadriel:** Please remove me from this group.

 **Me:** You kids blew up this group while Halt and I were in a meeting with the Prime Minister. Fuck you all.


	3. Georg(e)

**Gramps:** Pauline told me that my contact in your phone is labeled “Gramps”. Is this true?

 **Me:** Well...

 **Gramps:** Need I remind you that you're older than me?

 **Me:** With all due respect, Sir, LET ME LIVE!

* * *

**He’ll Never Be Satisfied:** Jenny wanted me to ask what you want for dinner

 **Shortass:** ur dick

*ur pick

sorry

typo

 **Modern Galadriel:**  uh huh

* * *

**Muffin Special:** So I’ve been thinking

 **2Hot5U:** always a dangerous pastime

AWWWWW YEEEEASAAAHHHHHH

*explosions*

 **Lucky Charms:** Why would you tell that to Jennifer? She was born with a natural mastery of thought... unlike you

 **Me:** Ouch. Sssss...

 **Muffin Special:** Thanks Halt... But it’s Jenny.

 **He’ll Never Be Satisfied:** Wait what

What’d I miss

Virginia my home sweet home I wanna give you a kiss

 **Shortass:**  holy shit horace no

 **Modern Galadriel:** Why do you even like that musical so much? We’re British.

 **Shortass:**  YEAH

BRITISH

THERE IS NO VIRGINIA

 **She’s Beauty She’s Grace:** Will, sweetheart, that is not how it works.

 **Muffin Special:** Can we get back to the point?

 **2Hot5U:** yes cupcake

 **Muffin Special:** Why isn’t George in this group? I feel like we’re leaving him out

 **Call Me Princess ‘Cuz I Rule:** again?

 **Shortass:** wow, r00d

 **Modern Galadriel:** George doesn’t text, remember? He just sends letters.

 **He’ll Never Be Satisfied:** Dunno why. I mean

It’s the 21st century

We aren’t in the middle ages

 **Me:** “Average person sends 50 letters a year.” Factoid actually just statistical error. Average person sends 0 letters a year. Letters Georg, who lives in cave  & sends over 10,000,000 each day, is an outlier and should not have been counted.

 **Shortass:** jfc

 **2Hot5U:** SHITTT

THAT WAD FUNNYYYYY

 **Lucky Charms:** Crowley. What did I say about outdated memes?

 **Me:** Not to make them.

Because they give Gilan a sense of vindication.

 **2Hot5U:** HEY

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea why I did this, don't ask. If anyone wants to see a character featured in this mess, then just ask. Nothing is set in stone.


End file.
